erithacus' saga: the discount store
I had nearly reached the checkout and was waiting for my turn to pay. Mary’s 8-year old son Gandalf was with me, tugging impatiently at the sleeve of my shirt and asking when we were going to the park to kick the pink fluorescent blow-about-all-over-the-place-in-the-wind ball about.
"Lieutenant Pricefighter", discount supermarket par excellence, was named after the chain’s owner whose surname really was Pricefighter. Flight Lieutenant Pricefighter of the RAF had decided to drop the "Flight" on the grounds that it was insufficiently snappy for a retail consumer goods outfit.
Eventually, our turn came.
"You’re new here" I said to the young woman at the checkout.
Staff turnover was high and the "employee of the month" incentive scheme had long been abandoned because employees hardly ever lasted a month and those that did would never have won such an award.
"Giveaway prices don’t spring from thin air. Slashed prices have to come from somewhere", self-made and -satisfied tycoon Henry Pricefighter had once stated in a trade newspaper interview when accused of exploitation and mistreatment of staff.
"Although it is true that one of the many areas where sacrifices are made is in the remuneration of personnel, consumers do also benefit from accurately calculated sell-by-date policies that respond to the needs of customers whose principal requirements are price benefits..."
"...rather than quality" he mumbled as an afterthought.
"You’re new here" I repeated.
"Yes" she replied and we got into conversation. While passing the merchandise over the infrared beam, Sandra told me about her last job in which she had folded and plastic-bagged Lycra leotards for Disney on Ice dwarves in performances of Snow White. Dwarves with skating skills are extremely employable these days and demand for their size and abilities far outstrips supply in one of the western world’s fastest growing employment sectors.
Unfortunately Sandra had been priced out of her job by black-leg grannies who did the same work to boost their meagre pensions. As a legally-contracted temporary employee, Sandra was far too expensive. She had therefore been forced out of work by senior citizens whose retirement supplement she threatened. Luckily, she had been presented the opportunity of alternative employment as a player on the Lieutenant Pricefighter checkout team.
In Sandra’s role as a discount store chain stakeholder she informed me that the supermarket didn’t take cards. I had only enough spare cash to pay for the 99.9% sugar-content chocolate football stars Gandalf had pestered me into buying. The other articles in the trolley therefore were left stranded in the narrow slit between this and the next unstaffed checkout.
Other shoppers in the lengthy queue began to grumble. I paid for the sugary chocolate and summoned Gandalf to accompany me out of the shop.
We didn’t go to the park. I had a severe headache so I took Gandalf home and returned to home sweet shed. The pain in my head may have been a recurring bout of malaria or a perhaps migraine brought on by one of the supermarket’s many persistently flickering fluorescent tubes. Shoppers often complained about the lighting. However, a spokesperson for the chain claimed that non-replacement of light bulbs was simply a manifestation of Lieutenant Pricefighter’s firm commitment to the environment.
"Lieutenant Pricefighter", discount supermarket par excellence, was named after the chain’s owner whose surname really was Pricefighter. Flight Lieutenant Pricefighter of the RAF had decided to drop the "Flight" on the grounds that it was insufficiently snappy for a retail consumer goods outfit.
Eventually, our turn came.
"You’re new here" I said to the young woman at the checkout.
Staff turnover was high and the "employee of the month" incentive scheme had long been abandoned because employees hardly ever lasted a month and those that did would never have won such an award.
"Giveaway prices don’t spring from thin air. Slashed prices have to come from somewhere", self-made and -satisfied tycoon Henry Pricefighter had once stated in a trade newspaper interview when accused of exploitation and mistreatment of staff.
"Although it is true that one of the many areas where sacrifices are made is in the remuneration of personnel, consumers do also benefit from accurately calculated sell-by-date policies that respond to the needs of customers whose principal requirements are price benefits..."
"...rather than quality" he mumbled as an afterthought.
"You’re new here" I repeated.
"Yes" she replied and we got into conversation. While passing the merchandise over the infrared beam, Sandra told me about her last job in which she had folded and plastic-bagged Lycra leotards for Disney on Ice dwarves in performances of Snow White. Dwarves with skating skills are extremely employable these days and demand for their size and abilities far outstrips supply in one of the western world’s fastest growing employment sectors.
Unfortunately Sandra had been priced out of her job by black-leg grannies who did the same work to boost their meagre pensions. As a legally-contracted temporary employee, Sandra was far too expensive. She had therefore been forced out of work by senior citizens whose retirement supplement she threatened. Luckily, she had been presented the opportunity of alternative employment as a player on the Lieutenant Pricefighter checkout team.
In Sandra’s role as a discount store chain stakeholder she informed me that the supermarket didn’t take cards. I had only enough spare cash to pay for the 99.9% sugar-content chocolate football stars Gandalf had pestered me into buying. The other articles in the trolley therefore were left stranded in the narrow slit between this and the next unstaffed checkout.
Other shoppers in the lengthy queue began to grumble. I paid for the sugary chocolate and summoned Gandalf to accompany me out of the shop.
We didn’t go to the park. I had a severe headache so I took Gandalf home and returned to home sweet shed. The pain in my head may have been a recurring bout of malaria or a perhaps migraine brought on by one of the supermarket’s many persistently flickering fluorescent tubes. Shoppers often complained about the lighting. However, a spokesperson for the chain claimed that non-replacement of light bulbs was simply a manifestation of Lieutenant Pricefighter’s firm commitment to the environment.
posted by Bob @ 5:04 pm
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