nativity, lactation, three wise men and sister dot

Virgin and Child portrayals from different periods in history (see figure 1) give a clear idea of developments in lactation techniques over the ages. The same traditional methods were used for many centuries yet it was not until the second half of the twentieth century, when social developments and changes in gender roles led to the introduction of timesaving devices to enable modern women to lactate while performing dozens of other actions at the same time, that breastfeeding facilitating technology appeared.

Ever growing innovation in this field has prompted experts to predict that the twenty-first century will see the disappearance of time-wasting babies and that humankind will witness their replacement with manual and automatic breast suction devices (fig. 1, far right) to meet the strict demands of modern mothers for efficiency and speed.

Figure 1 (far right) shows a portrayal of Virgin and Children taken from the fifth, hitherto unknown, Gospel according to Saint Dorothy. Unlike its four predecessors, Dorothy’s version of the life of the Messiah (thought to have been written nearly two thousand years later) tells how the infant Jesus was the dominant child of a set of non-trichorionic triplets.

Although Saint Dot states that the baby Jesus’ slightly younger siblings were female and thus posed no serious threat to Roman client-king Herod the Great* (c.74 BC – March 4 BC**) after the monarch had been bamboozled by the three oriental sleight of hand tricksters, some versions of the Bible (e.g. King James) suggest that Herod’s infant slaying policy was based on a no-nonsense disregard of child sex (in other words a willy-nilly approach)***. This may mean that the Messiah was indeed a woman.

* "When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under." Matthew 2: 16 New International Version

** give or take a few years

*** Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under ...Matthew 2: 16 King James Version