virtual history: from CEO to emperor

Part II

And so it was that on 23 August 2005, Dearing, aided by his right-hand nun, Sister Dot, and a battalion of crack Proboscis Monkeys, seized control.

Despite initial opposition from belligerent elements such as Willy the Muc, who was subsequently banished to Dearing, Kansas (population 415, in 2000), Premier Consul Dennis Dearing was soon able to consolidate power and eventually routed hardliners by the coffee machine. He thereupon deemed it the right moment to appoint himself blog Lord Protector, a title which shortly afterwards he upgraded to His Imperial Specialness, Emperor of bob’sbarnablog.

The coronation took place by what had now become the symbolic centre of the new empire; the hot drink vending unit. Sleeping, the blog’s new Grand Vizier (and not the reputedly Grigori Rasputin-like Sister Dot who, Dearing knew, was very much mistrusted by subjects), carried the crown with pomp (some might say pompously) towards the shiniest, swiveliest executive throne on the premises while Dearing glared menacingly at former (albeit now amnestied) opponents during the rendition, on recently purchased kazoos and combs/tissues by the blog's Philharmonic orchestra and Choir, of a Champions League-like version of Zadok the Priest.

Slowly, in an effort to look imperial, Dearing took his seat on the throne whereupon Grand Vizier Sleeping solemnly placed the crown on the new emperor’s head. The crowd held its breath.

The music stopped. Silence reigned. Had a small thin pointed piece of esp. steel wire with a round or flattened head used (esp. in sewing) for holding things in place, and attaching one thing to another, etc. fallen to the floor, one would have heard it. The Emperor raised his white-gloved left hand as if to hush the multitude into squeezing ever greater quietness from the already silence-impregnated absence of sound. He carefully arranged the epaulettes on his Emperor’s new uniform, cleared his throat and addressed his new subjects.