one in a long series of wills and testaments
“.......will be sorely missed by discount shoppers”.
Henry Pricefighter wrote the final words of his own obituary. All he had to do now was reduce the six thousand or so words about himself to the one hundred and ten that would fit in www.whatagreatpersoniwas.com’s Send box. Perhaps he could cut out some of the quotes from Rod D. Steinberger, but which ones? That was the question. A great deal would be lost if he omitted the excerpts from “Empathy is for Losers”, “Getting the Most out of High-turnover, Low-cost Staff” and “Scapegoating in the New Millenium”.
www.whatagreatpersoniwas.com ensures the future publication in important publications of the obituaries of people who are not yet dead. Although the website does not boast a long list of loyal, satisfied customers, it does claim that its service allows customers’ loved ones to experience their grief fully and not concern themselves with practical matters such as obituaries.
Pricefighter’s customer profile was fairly typical. He looked at his fingers to help him enumerate his loved ones but quickly withdrew his podgy hand from sight when no one sprang to mind. Did loved ones mean ones he loved or ones that loved him? Either way, he could think of no one. Pricefighter put estrangement from ex-wives, children and former friends down to others’ envy at his success, rather than his own perfectionism and the tyrannical demands he placed on anyone with whom he came into contact.
Pricefighter could feel his anger and resentment growing. He began to scheme. He’d get his own back by leaving all his money to .... but who could he leave it to? He could imagine all the vultures feigning sorrow at his funeral yet eager to get their hands on his hard-earned cash. Vultures! Why of course!
Despite the difficulties Pricefighter had encountered in his life with people, he had always had a soft spot for vulturekind. Furthermore, he was well aware that three closely related and largely non-migratory species, the Indian white-backed (Gyps benegalensis), the long-billed (Gyps indicus) and the recently identified slender-billed vultures (Gyps tenuirostris) were all suffering from the fatal drooping neck syndrome. Researchers believed that this disease might spread to the Eurasian griffon vulture and thereafter to new areas and to more vulture species.
How appropriate. Death and vultures, the great transfigurers. Pricefighter called Lorna Partridge, his lawyer, and declared his intention to leave his estate to the Accipitridae family.
“Have you got an address for them?” asked Lorna.
A wry smile came over Pricefighter’s face. Wives, grown-up children, former friends: he couldn’t wait to see their faces when the will was read.
Henry Pricefighter wrote the final words of his own obituary. All he had to do now was reduce the six thousand or so words about himself to the one hundred and ten that would fit in www.whatagreatpersoniwas.com’s Send box. Perhaps he could cut out some of the quotes from Rod D. Steinberger, but which ones? That was the question. A great deal would be lost if he omitted the excerpts from “Empathy is for Losers”, “Getting the Most out of High-turnover, Low-cost Staff” and “Scapegoating in the New Millenium”.
www.whatagreatpersoniwas.com ensures the future publication in important publications of the obituaries of people who are not yet dead. Although the website does not boast a long list of loyal, satisfied customers, it does claim that its service allows customers’ loved ones to experience their grief fully and not concern themselves with practical matters such as obituaries.
Pricefighter’s customer profile was fairly typical. He looked at his fingers to help him enumerate his loved ones but quickly withdrew his podgy hand from sight when no one sprang to mind. Did loved ones mean ones he loved or ones that loved him? Either way, he could think of no one. Pricefighter put estrangement from ex-wives, children and former friends down to others’ envy at his success, rather than his own perfectionism and the tyrannical demands he placed on anyone with whom he came into contact.
Pricefighter could feel his anger and resentment growing. He began to scheme. He’d get his own back by leaving all his money to .... but who could he leave it to? He could imagine all the vultures feigning sorrow at his funeral yet eager to get their hands on his hard-earned cash. Vultures! Why of course!
Despite the difficulties Pricefighter had encountered in his life with people, he had always had a soft spot for vulturekind. Furthermore, he was well aware that three closely related and largely non-migratory species, the Indian white-backed (Gyps benegalensis), the long-billed (Gyps indicus) and the recently identified slender-billed vultures (Gyps tenuirostris) were all suffering from the fatal drooping neck syndrome. Researchers believed that this disease might spread to the Eurasian griffon vulture and thereafter to new areas and to more vulture species.
How appropriate. Death and vultures, the great transfigurers. Pricefighter called Lorna Partridge, his lawyer, and declared his intention to leave his estate to the Accipitridae family.
“Have you got an address for them?” asked Lorna.
A wry smile came over Pricefighter’s face. Wives, grown-up children, former friends: he couldn’t wait to see their faces when the will was read.
posted by Bob @ 12:32 pm
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